Come on, willpower!

After a few weeks of accumulating strength and reviving myself from feeling down and weary, I finally managed to put myself together this morning and settled some of my long abandoned works. These days, being a final year, I have really to steal some time in between classes to complete non-medical tasks. The amount of workload is enormous when your teammates are starting to leave you one by one. I was a bit satisfied this morning for all the works done, but I realized that I was late for the OPD session. I came in for the tutorial later on and got scolded and accused of slacking. My body was really tired that time, that all the rambling was heard like ocean wave. Last night on-call and extra Ajinomoto in the dinner meal must have shut my system down. Afterwards, I was targeted frequently in the tutorial. I suppose the next 5 weeks will be a hard time for me. I believe my faith and my willpower are the only things that I can rely on to get back into track.

Frigggin Cold

I realized that my daytime somnolence is actually worse in cold days. I was struggling to wake up and I slept on the library chair in a sitting position (as usual). My teammate was down with flu so I decided to go for my on-call a bit later, and have an early escape. Willpower is unlimited, you only have to utilise it. Like one Malay proverb, when there is will, there is a way.

Economic Crisis

I signed in to my bank account, and my eyes were glued to the amount of money I have and the balance of credit card that haven't been cleared. My impulsive nature has thrown me to the lowest socio-economic class a medical student can be. I am rotten poor now. I don't know where to find money to pay all my debts. I used to envision of collecting 10 000 dollar before I graduate. It looks like I have a long way to go.

Easy sleeper

I am really tired these days. My circadian rhythm has gone harewire and I doze off, each time I put my head on a pillow. It takes only seconds for me to be teleported to my dreamland. I am an easy sleeper. The fact that I doze off so easily, even when sitting in upright position really bothers me so much, especially when listening to lectures. Perhaps, we don't call that as circadian problem disorder or something else to do with my biological clock. I just get sleepy pretty easily. Something my colleagues and my depressed patients would envy of. By the way I read half of the nearly one thousand pages of Kaplan and Sadock, and now I feel like a Psychiatrist, or rather a psychiatric patient, to be more accurate. I finished the third rotation. Dozed it off pretty easily, although the OSCE was tough.

1 month after Ramadhan

The last Ramadhan was something meaningful, not that it was my last Ramadhan abroad. It taught me a lot of heart-wrenching, yet valuable lesson. I was homeless. The new house that I should had moved into in early September was inhabitable. Doing my revision for extra two examinations with no desk to sit, and no iftar for breaking the fast, and no friends to talk to, were the most depressing moment for me  this year. On my first day as a free-loader in my emptied friend's house, my iftar was a cup of Koka Instant Noodle and I had a piece of chocolate cake before starting my fast the next day. I prayed a lot, for my exam,and for my sanity. Ramadhan this year has truly transformed me to a new man.

One month after Ramadhan
I passed my exam. With miracle and help from Allah. I never finished 30 juzu', which I initially thought of completing after the exam. I didn't even manage to fast 6 days in Syawal. Whatever on earth happened to me? Iman(Faith) can go up and down.By the way, for those who successfully completed the 6 days fast in Syawwal. Congratulations. May Allah grant you the reward of all-year long fasting.